Why are we the best option for educating our children? We care. When we take charge of our children’s education, love is our strongest ally in motivating us to give them a quality education. But ironically, love can also act as our greatest enemy. Bare with me as I explain…
I’ve noticed a scary trend in myself and other homeschool moms: a lack of concern for discipline. No, I’m not talking about punishing our children when they disobey. It’s true, googling the word discipline does produce the following definition: “train (someone) to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.” But the same search also defines it as “train oneself to do something in a controlled and habitual way.” I guess one could also use the term self-control or self-discipline.
Let’s face it – learning self-control is not a fun process. Granted, we all enjoy the benefits of dieting or of engaging in a long, hard workout. But who ever looked forward to denying themselves their favorite dessert at a party where everyone else was indulging? Or feeling the burn as they “finished strong” at the end of a 5K run? The reality is, learning self-control can be downright painful!
How does this all relate to being a loving parent? Well, when was the last time you savored watching your child suffer? It’s easy for an athletic coach to push their team. Sure they care about their athletes, but they can keep their eye on the prize and overlook the pain and suffering they inflict in the process of getting there.
But what about us moms? We are programmed to protect and nurture our children. We may consciously acknowledge that our children need self-control to succeed in life, but our mothering instinct often intervenes and prevents us from forcing them to endure the process of gaining self-control. How often have we let our kids off the hook when math brought too many tears. Or pulled them out of a swimming program because they spent sleepless nights dreading the next lesson? Guilty!
Ok, I realize there’s a fine line here. Some of you are thinking, “This lady wants me to create a masochist!” Ya, you push too hard, never offering any grace, and that’s exactly what you’ll create. But seriously, at this point, are you actually anywhere near running that risk? I think the average mom is more likely to err in the opposite extreme. And raising a child with no self-control is every bit as tragic for their future prospects in work, marriage, and parenting as raising a masochist. So how do we actually teach our children self-control without psychologically damaging them?
I think the answer lies in regularly practicing and demonstrating self-discipline yourself, and expecting no less from your children. When our kids watch us buckle down and persevere through discomfort, they gain perspective. And when we calmly, lovingly, and confidently tell them, “I know this is hard and you feel like quitting, but not finishing is simply not an option this time,” they soon learn that the same mom who comforts them when they are sick or bleeding isn’t afraid to let them endure discomfort when it counts. Don’t forget that true love allows pain if it means growth will result. When it’s done right, your kids won’t hold it against you. And someday they’ll thank you.
I’ll admit I don’t enjoy the process of gaining self-discipline (see, I’m not a masochist after all!). There’s a book and website I’ve found particularly helpful when I feel like giving up. Back when twin brothers Alex and Brett Harris published it, perhaps these teenage authors believed they were only writing for their fellow teens. But there’s no age or stage in life when we can’t use a healthy reminder to Do Hard Things. Check out their rebellion against low expectations.